oh man.
with my constant daydreaming, spacing out n getting blur all the time, my guardian angel really has a full time job nowadays.
everyday i slip 3-4 times at least while in school, at home, going up or down the stairs or even when i'm just walking. >< but i NEVER fall.never.not once.so everyday i end up saying 'thank God' like more than 10 times all together.a few times for every almost-fall.haha.
i feel really peaceful these days..
like, even when i just finish my exam paper and know i got lots i dunno how to do, even when i remmber PMR is in a few weeks, i just shrug it off and truly forget about it. (no, no.dont worry.i still study.) not like usual times when i shrug it off but cant stop thinking about it and get all stressed up.
yeah, i feel..calm.
really relaxed in a way..
very at peace with the world.
which is the reason for my non-stop daydreaming.lolx.
for once in my life, i feel like everything is alright.
Friday, September 18, 2009
new leaf..?
Monday, September 14, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
its never too late
Gosh.where to start..
Just re-read my last post (deleted) and noticed how irrasional i was when i said all those things..it was unfair to my parents me saying all that without thinking thru it first.i just blabbed it all out.i dint even remember saying those things til i reread it.it was really harsh.and somewhat untrue. >< so,
Sorry daddy and mummy..
really truly sorry...
I cant change my ways overnight, noone can.but i know one day.one day, i'll become the mature lady you 2've always wanted.and you'll be impressed.
just like 'his' dad was with 'him'.yup, you can bet it.
So, yeah.forgive me ok..
nitenite.
Monday, September 7, 2009
trying to find a better part of me..
Monday, August 24, 2009
Reminds me of childhood memories..
Where everything
was as fresh as the bright blue sky.
And then when i see your face
It takes me away to that special place.
And if i stared too long
I'd probably break down and cry..
Saturday, August 22, 2009
i believe...
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
thanks for the memories
hey peoples.remember me? please say yes! if u dont, dun bother reading this la..u dunno me anyway... -.-
...
xD just kidding la!! i know u sure remmber me wan right? =P
trials jus ended today and i'm so happie~ ^^
~
so anyway, to the main point of this post.these few days (weeks rather) have been so busy.but it got me thinking too..
what would life be without friends? true ones especially.friends u can always count on and share your ups and downs with.without 'em, i think i might be dead now (choi choi choi! haha.).but seriously, i'd want to die.
imagine going to school or church or anywhere else and have noone to say 'hi' to and talk abt how the weekend was, or wat interesting things we did yesterday, or places we went to.imagine going to the theater and laughing/crying at a show on your own.imagine having noone to share your problems with! (i know.there's still family.but sometimes they just dun understand, u know?)
look at all the possiblities...i'm horrified just thinking about it.
in my life, i've had many happy times, many fun times, many crazy times, many so-silly-happie-feel-like-i'm-walking-on-air times.but of course many many sad, hard times.
i'm sad to say, i never quite knew how to share my probs and stuff with my parents, eventhough they have always (almost always) been supportive, letting me know that i can always share things with them.sorry =[ so i turned to friends.lovely lovely friends.
now, i wanna thank all you guys who've been helping me or just 'been here with me' through all these times.even if now we dun talk anymore cuz of any reasons (not counting me not wanting to to talk to u, which is definitely not a reason), i really truly appreciate you guys for being here even just a short peroid of time.and i mean this with all my heart.
my girlfriends >
to crystal, who always has smiles to give and laughter to share.
to anna, who is always first in line to share her problems and hear mine.
to laiyee, who brightens days with her crazy ways.
to joyce, who can always be counted on.
to lydia, who is a silent care-r.
to debbie and cathy, who will forever be a wonderful part of the ACIDs.
my boy (space)
to johnny, who will always be my first and bestest kor.
to rueben, who has been here and will always be here for me (but can still disappear anytime xD). (dun 想歪.seriously.dont.i mean it.)
to reuben, who eventho isnt always 'there', is a good kor and counselor all the same.
to stan, who lighted up my life that awesome period of time.
to david, who was and is a good and funny friend to cheer ppl up.
thank you for the memories that you have given me and are going to give me.each and every one of you.a beautiful memory of stars in my very own sky.
Friday, August 7, 2009
1.8.09!!
as laiyee jie would say, let da pics do the talkin xD haha.. >>
chicken chop with mashed potatoes and salad.deeeelicious!
group photo~~ =]
eating our dinner..hehe
me and my favourite birthday boys~
sis: 'hey!! that's the last of it leh!! >(' haha..
arent they handsome? haha...
donuts for dessert!!! yummm~
homebaked cake witha spinkles! xDFriday, July 31, 2009
johnnykor's art (AWESOME)
Ciel (absolutely fascinating if enlarged)
Zero
Unit Alpha 1
Angelina Jolie
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
in this moment now, capture it.remember it.(26.7.09)
okay.in a real big hurry here.just wanna have a lil update about last sunday...
so..had breakfast at mcD (been a long time since i had mcd) with my family before goin to church.had a great service, then guitar class.guitar class was..abnormal yet normal.meaning, awkward.
aft church, went to sunway pyramid with sarah, brian, jian hui, johnston and crys.went to buy movie tickets to the new harry potter show when suddenly the pope called to say my bro was missing from guitar class.called up my mom n found out that bro went home dy. -.-'
anyway, aft buying the tickets went over to Popeye's to eat lunch (eventho i alrd thot we had lunch in the car with all the burgers and fries n drinks..but i guess not. *shrugs*) met the Ha family and michelle while eating..
later me n crys went into the cinema first aft buying popcorn n stuff.then the others came.with johnnykor too (he came from home.lolx.).
there was some prob with the show.at the beginning, it took really long to start.then when the movie trailers and advertisments started, it suddenly stopped and the lights came on.then aft a while it started again.this happened a few times.by the third time, everyone was grumbling dy.
johnnykor beside me even said that the first time he came here (this's only the 2nd time), the show had a prob n they had to refund them! O.O i was getting mad.finally, the real show started.it stopped again for just a minute, then continued to the end.thank god.
the show was quite ok....not as bad as i expected.lolzzz.it took from 330-630 all cuz of those malfunctions. -.- me n crys were freezing there.not many action scenes..but there was 1 part at the lake when it was sooo quiet, a hand came out of the water n grabbed harry's hand! every1 jumped up! haha...exept for kor.who laughed. o.O haha.
but still, overall we had a good time.wouldnt mind going again.haha... ^^
that's all..see ya in a week or so.....gotta study more.which means blog less. T.T bye~
Friday, July 17, 2009
a lesson well learnt
I've learned...
If you hold on to the past, you forget the present and lose the future.
I've learned...
It don't matter what people think about me.It matters what i think about myself.
I've learned...
Boys were never meant to understand girls and girls were never made to understand boys.
i've learned...
There will always be someone there to give me a shoulder when i cry, a hand when i fall and just..a smile.
I've learned...
I dont have to be sad if some people dislike me.I have a family, true friends and 'kors' alike who stand by me through it all.so what more could i want?
I've learned...
The worst reason for a girl to dislike me is 'because i like the guy she likes'.
(Come on, i believe that if a guy likes a girl, he will like her with or without me there.Anyway, to me, true girlfriends are better than a boyfriend any day)
I've learned...
To say sorry when i did something wrong and to not when i know i'm being wrongly accused.
I've learned...
If i like a guy who doesnt like me, its just because we're not meant to be.I have plenty of time to wait for the right one.
I've learned...
To laugh whenever i can, and cry only whenever i have to.
I've learned...
A place is only as great as i make it.so why not make it great?
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
pics at subang rally. ( full story below x] )
joyceee n me!
end altar call....
Saturday, July 11, 2009
SUBANG RALLY 09!!!! P.U.S.H.!!! AWESOOOME~~~!!!!
haha...i know wat u're thinking right now. 'oh no.gonna be 1 of her super long long-winded posts again...' xD so now i'll say 'you're right!! it is going to be!!!! bear with me!!!!!' XD
this day started like any other saturday.... (hahahaha....ok la.i dun sooo long-winded.oh wait.i am right now.WAKAKAKAKAKAKA..........)
ok la ok la.jus start from aftnoon.went to tuition at 2 til 515.then 530 reach church ady.until now haven bathe u know!! XD
anywaaayyyy.....abt 645, had dinner with crys, lyd, joyce, pope, joshua n jonathan.so funny.me n crys were wearing purple shirt, joyce n lyd wear hot pink (rally shirt), n jon n joshua wore white.only pope was wearing black n he was the 'leader' summore.so we were super synchronized!! xD shared a lam meee with crys.she ar, ask me dun take so much, later cant finish. -.- xD i belanja-ed 'everyone' (girls) drinks!! haha.but joyce belanja us girls FOOD.even more yeng! aah! steal my spotlight!! hahaha...jkjk! i absolutely detest being in the spotlight.alone-lyness is mah thang.as most ppl know.haha..
then went over to sunway college to attend the subang rally concert.it felt super awkward being in a college....like so 'small' lidat.lolx...we walked wat seemed like countless (5 floors) flights of stairs n arrived at the hall.
it was like, quite big.enough to fit almost 1000 ppl i'd think.we started off with a prayer.then school sing off where everyone jus started to sing their own school song.LOL.subang utama won. -.-
aft the word, ps ask those who r...to raise hand n let him pray for us.i just felt like something was pushing me to raise my hand.lolx.so i raise lor.then they ask us go infront. ><
in the end, we prayed closing prayer.then just as we were abt to leave, they say sing one last fast song!! wwwoooootttt~~~~! this time, i was REALLY TOTALLY HYPER.i just absolutely lost control n jumped like mad person.summore aft the 'last song', we shouted 'we want more!!' n sang another song!! XDD jhon infront of me n crys beside me oso like insane dy!!!!! it.was.AWESOOOME!!! GOOD JOB JHON N CRYS!!!! LOVE U GUYS~~!!!!!! muaxxx! many thx to pope for inviting us!! n joyce, lyd, josh n jon for going!!!! haha. xDDD thx subang rally commitee!!! was a GREAT MARVELOUS rally!!!! *CHEEEEERS!!!*
finally........(crys here go kill me ady.its now 1240 n she's been waiting to blog sice like, 1130. XDD) we went back!!!!!! T.T sobbb~~~~~so sad~~~~~~~~byebye rally~~~ T.T waaaaaahh.......
then now sleepingover at crys's house! whee~~!!!!!!
ok.crys parents gonna be back soon.gtg! =P
Monday, July 6, 2009
A moment to remember
The empty, desolate street.
The still, parked cars.
The beautiful trees swaying to the music of the earth.
Riding alone on my bicycle,
thousands of things are running through my mind.
Worries and troubles and depression.
Then suddenly,
nothing.
Feeling nothing,
but the warm evening sun shining on me,
the cool strong breeze blowing through my hair.
Listening to soothing music coming from a neighbour's house,
remembering bad memories that were locked in the basement of my mind.
Memories that haunted my every move.
Memories that kept me from trying.
I close my eyes and let the wind blow me away.
To a place full of magic and wonders,
where only happiness exists and sadness has never been heard of.
It's beautiful.Just beautiful.
A gust of wind comes.
It's blowing at a tree.
A tree covered with dead leaves.
Ugly dead leaves.
I know.It's my bad memories.
I feel it.
Like a heavy pressure on me.
Then all of them blow away with the wind.
Revealing a beautiful coat of new leaves underneath.
They will not haunt me again.
Not anymore.
I slowly open my eyes.
The breeze still blowing all around.
With tears in my eyes,
I take a deep breath.
This is definitely...
A moment to remember.
p.s. dear reader, please do NOT close your eyes and cycle like i did.i will NOT be held responsible for any accidents.thank you. xD
Friday, July 3, 2009
God's boxes, Your friendship
I have in my hands two boxes,
Which God gave me to hold.
He said, 'Put all your sorrows in the black box,
And all your joys in the gold.'
I heeded His words, and in the two boxes,
Both my joys and sorrows I stored,
But though the gold became heavier each day,
The black was as light as before.
With curiosity, I opened the black,
I wanted to find out why,
And I saw, in the base of the box, a hole,
Which my sorrows had fallen out by.
I showed the hole to God, and mused,
'I wonder where my sorrows could be!'
He smiled a gentle smile and said,
'My child, they're all here with me..'
I asked God, why He gave me the boxes,
Why the gold and the black with the hole?
'My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings,
The black is for you to let go.'
We should consider all of our friends a blessing.
Send this to a friend today just to let them know you
are thinking of them and that they are a joy in your life.
A ball is a circle, no beginning, no end.
It keeps us together like our Circle of Friends.
But the treasure inside for you to see,
Is the treasure of friendship you've granted to me.
Monday, June 29, 2009
23:23
the numbers i see almost every night.every night, before i sleep i will put my handphone on the floor if i'm going to sleep.unless i'm sms-ing with someone.
but no matter what happens, i will see those numbers.
let me explain. >>
lets say, i'm typing a msg.type type type..suddenly feel like just pressing the 'back' button.23:23.
or maybe, i'm half asleep.but suddenly wonder what time is it already.23:23.
how about, i'm chatting with someone.'how come still havent replied me?' look at the hp.23:23.
hmm.i'm sleeping.suddenly feel like wanna go to the loo.wat time already? look.23:23.
next,i'm watching tv.'when's this show gonna end? what time isit?' let me guess.23:23.
almost EVERY NIGHT this will happen.i dunno if this is a sign or something....maybe an answer to an exam question? a time when i have to do something in future?? i dunno.i just hope it aint something bad.but i'm not really caring....dumdeedum...
wat do u guys think? lolz.
kays.i've said what i came to say.I'LL BE BACK. xD tatas guys~!!
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
short story..wrote myself.touching to me when i re-read it.lol (repost)
where am i? its so dark.is this nightime? trees are surrounding me at all sides.they're black and leafless.where am i??! i'm..lost.how did i get here???!
'help! is anyone here?? help me!! please...!!!'
~
i have to find the way out of here! all i can think of is running.i run and run and run.....
its so dark.its too silent to be a forest.all i can hear are my footsteps.
i dont see anything but the black trees.nothing.its so scary.i start to cry.but i keep running.'dont stop' i tell myself.i struggle through some branches.they scratch me all over.i dont care. 'run.just keep running.get out.' was all i could think.
finally,my legs could stand nomore.out of breath,i fall.
i open my eyes.was that a dream? no.i'm still here.
it should be morning by now.where's the sun? its still as dark as ever.i try to get up, but my legs wont budge.like they're paralyzed.i cant do it.
what's that? a bright light catches my eye.light! there's light! i starts to grow dim.
'no! dont go!!!' i push myself up.my legs wont move. 'get up!!!' i forced them up.they hurt.they feel more painful than anything i've ever felt before.tears start falling from my eyes.
run.run!! i cant.i can barely walk.the light moves.it goes further and further away.i feel the darkness coming over me. 'no,wait.wait for me..' RUN!! i start running.i dont care how much it hurts.i want to get out of here.the light is so far way it looks like a tiny star almost disappearing. i dont stop.'i wont.' i promise myself. 'i wont..'
after what seemed like days and days of endless running, i see the light.its not more than a mile away.i run like i've never ran before.
finally,i'm there.standing right in front of it.before i can say a word, its glows so bright till i cant open my eyes, and then vanishes. 'no!!!! COME BACK!!!!!!' i'm enveloped in darkness again.
its gone..gone.
i kneel down and start crying.i give up..i give up.
suddenly,something nudges my knee.i look up.its a mouse.tiny and harmless.then i notice, i'm not in the jungle anymore..i'm out! I'M OUT!!!
i breathe a sigh of relief...its over.
my energy is totally used up.i lay down and fall asleep.
~
its morning now.a dim light shines in the sky.its not the sun.i'm on a gloomy,cold stretch of bare land.the forest has disappeared.
in front of me lay a huge jungle of rose plants.rose plants that were almost 4 feet tall.the roses were a shade of black-red.big thorns stuck out from all the branches.
i stand there.wide-eyed staring at them,speechless.
'its not over.' no...
i sit down on the cold hard floor.planning to just lie down and die.
then sudddenly, a strong wind blows in.i'm freezing cold.where is this coming from?? i cant open my eyes.it didnt take me long to figure out,its a hurricane.
i have nowhere to go.it was either the wind, or the thorns.
i try to hide in a narrow pathway in the branches.
thorns scratch my whole body.my clothes are torn by them.blood is streaming through my wounds.i noticed the path gets wider as it goes on.even so,the narrow part is very long.i know i would be hurt badly if i go on.
but there is no option now.i pull myself through the branches.pushing away as much as i can with my hands.i yell in pain as the thorns poke into my arms. 'keep going.you're almost there.keep going...'
the path starts getting wider.then,less and less thorns could reach me.finally,i'm walking in the middle of the rose jungle.my wounds hurt like crazy.i tear off a part of my sleave and soak it in a puddle of water.i use it to wipe my wounds and bandage my right arm.
the sun is still nowhere to be seen.i just keep walking.glancing around once in a while to see if any horrible creature comes jumping at me.
after some hours,i see the end.the end of the jungle.my energy is failing me and i feel like i'm going to die of exhaution......
but its not over.i'm in more darkness.its just a dark and empty space.i have no place to run.no way to go.i would just be walking on and on into nothingness if i continued.
not knowing what to do anymore,i fall to the ground.i sob and sob endlessly.but right then,i remembered.
pray.try to pray.
'God..help me.please..'
~
i wake up to see myself in a field.green trees and flowers surrounding me.
i feel...safe again.i'm safe again.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
YOUTH GATHERING
Saturday, June 13, 2009
read it and weep
today, i am walking into the future and letting go of the past.
enough hurting myself.enough crying.enough thinking everything will be fine if i just cared abit more.enough.
i've had enough.of everything.
it's time to put a fake smile on my face and get on with life.get on with everything i'm supposed to do.everything i'm required to.stop caring if others approve or disapprove.stop trying to fit in when i obviously don't.
stop.just stop.
i just want everything to stop.
time to stop.stop thinking.stop pretending.pretending i dont care when i see the gang of friends, knowing i will never be a real part of it.pretending i'm perfecty fine with people just leaving me alone.pretending i don't feel left out of the loop.
stop.please.stop.
*drum roll* DAVID our camp game master!!
hah!! finally found the pic!!! this is DAVID.in the pic, he was like 'aaaahhh!! quick!! so cold so cold!!!' after they 'finished' he was jumping everywhere cuz of the cold. xD
'dont take me!' *shy*
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Church camp 2009!!
Whew.just came back from camp on sunday...
Ps Jason Goh was awesome.his preaching really touched many people..
first day, went up Frasers Hill in the church van with joyce and all the PA things and instruments.lols..reached there about 12 something.checked in and carried our luggage to the apartment me, joyce, lydia, her sis, ps soocheng and yu lian shared..haha.it was the last block of the row on the highest floor (4th)! we were panting like crazy by the time we got up there! lols...
after lunch, we had like, 4 hours of free time before dinner cuz no games.just lepak-ed and watch the worship practice for the night session.lol..the boys spent most of their time playing futsal as expected..dinner was ok...not exactly my taste, but not bad.
the 1st session was good.actually all the sessions were great.mucho excelente! xD
at night, me n joyce talked for hours in the room before sleeping.haha..lotsa things to talk about mar...hahaha..the stupid mosquitos kept me awake so long that night!! also cuz i dunno why super scared.slept at 3am.then wake up at 3.45am thinking i got thru the whole night.so angry when i looked at the phone and see big big numbers 03:45 there! argh!
summor keep hearing footsteps at the balcony outside...so super scared..so go and sms rueben.haha..who knew,he also nvr sleep yet.lols...finally at 430am, i fell asleep.that guy ar....630am only sleep.. =.= amazing how a person can sleep so 'late'.lols...
the next day woke up, go for morning devotion, then breakfast.also okok.just eat vry little though.lol..later 2nd session, like i said.awesome.
and then once again, after lunch super alot of free time cuz again the games coordinator (david) still hasnt arrived..again watch the worship practice.then crys and lyd go hiking..while me n joyce n laiyee just lepak around and hang out at the dining area with tim.suddenly, hiking people come back dy! johnston came and sit with us but crys and lyd dunno go where liao.
then tim got bored or hungry or something cuz he took johnston, me, joyce and laiyee downhill to buy some AWESOME goreng pisang and fried sweet potato and lekor.we went and eat the food at the tennis court while watching the guys playing futsal.yes, again.the lekor with the sauce was ssoooo AWESOME!!! and the goreng pisang!!! haha.the sweet potato not as good cuz vry hard.tim say like eating cardboard. xD but still good la.hahahaa...
later went back to wash up, have dinner, 3rd session, worship practice again (this time i was IN the worship practice.haha).
then had an 'illegal youth gathering'. xD jhon and tim told all their funny stories about their missions trip and past camps..so so so super funny lar they all....apparently, they have many stories about rueben.hahaha...sooo miss it........
nighttime, talk with joyce in the room again and sleeeep......
what i'm really trying to get to here is the 3rd day.so bear with me awhile ok..lols.
ok.now finally, THE 3RD DAY.
woke up with a headache and super emo.ate the least i've ever eaten for breakfast.then went for 4th session where i did the projecting for the worship time.once again, Ps Jason's preaching was magnificent.
we had our photo session right after that.everyone was wearing the camp t-shirt (which is lime green).but i, on the other hand, was wearing a white blouse cuz i didnt get the camp shirt cuz i registered late.we sang a birthday song for unc.Gu cuz, obviously, it was his birthday.we had deeelicious chocolate cake for lunch dessert.yummmm......
aft lunch and not so long free time, we finally had games!! we split into our groups.the game goes like, we have 2 mins to get to a station, then 8 mins to play the game.after the 8 mins/we play the game, the station master will give us a riddle.then we take another 2 mins to get to the next station, 8 mins to play the game, get the riddle, and...
the first game was, we split into smaller groups, hold hands,and put the hulla hoop through our hands as many rounds as possible til the 8 mins are up.
the second game, we have 18 peices of chewing gum.we have to chew it awhile, then (using gloves) make a tower as high as possible.ewww...haha.
in the third game, we had to pick up marbles in water using chopsticks then go back still holding it in the chopsticks.the kids have advantage.they can pick up, then hold it back with their hands.but becuz of miscommunication or something, everyone thought that the kids could just grab it out of the water using their hands.haha...
fourth game, there is a box filled with flour + water.its like some kind of batter.there are alot of marshmallows inside also.we have to one by one, go and pick up the marshmallows with our mouth.the batter was super bitter! disgusting ler... ><
fifth, we have to write what we see using strings attached to a marker without touching the marker.
last one, hard to explain.there are a few pails.one person will do sit ups in front of the pail while scopping up the water with a cup.then pass to another person who will pour the water into a water bottle.then keep going like that.
aft the games were over and results were given, everyone went out and the guys start throwing the leftover flour (from fourth game) all over david the game master.hahahahaha....he was so white he had to wash himself n his clothes out there.he was so cold!! XD
after showering was the dinner.ohhh the dinner.it was stemboat.super super AWWWWWESOOOMME!!!! i ate sooo much.....even more then tim (or so he says)! haha...everyone (especially jhon and jienyue) couldnt stop commenting about my eating.hahaha.....but seriously lar.it was fantastic.very fulfilling.cant say filling, but FULfilling.wahahaha...... XD
aft another superb session, us youth had a last-night-of-camp party.haha..ps chris said we could stay out til 1am.but ps soocheng said we (me n roomies) could stay til 3am.haha...joyce, david and me missed quite abit of it cuz we were watching vids of david's funny indian friend on his phone.haha.....by the time we went over to the others, it was almost 1am alrd..we chatted, ate junk food and had loads of F-U-N. ^^ but abt 1.10am, ps chris called to see where his roomies (reuben and qi ren) were.so they had to go back.but us others crept over to tim's apartment and continued our eating, drinking and being merry. xD we laughed our heads off that night.
by 3am, the older guys took us back to our apartments.i fell asleep in bed while listening to joyce talk to me.haha.sorry o joyce..i was really tired.heh.
the next day i woke up like a zombie.went through the breakfast and sessions quite awake.lols.. by 230pm, we went back in the van with some other NCA ppl......
byebye camp~~~ T.T
here are some pics...
david covered in flour xD
emo me =x
joyce trying not to laugh.haha..
guess who are these?? tell me if u can guess.haha....
