am i happy?

look.see that guy? he looks happy.he's laughing.joking around with his friends.but is he happy?
i see the sorrow in his eyes.when noone's looking.he's hurt.sad.

he notices me staring.he looks up.straight at me.i give him a weak smile.he smiles back.a big grin.as if saying 'why are you looking at me like that? i'm fine, dont worry.' but the look in his eyes dont change.he's not fine.i just know it.

i'm back home.lying on my bed.gazing at the ceiling.thinking of him.wondering why he's sad.i cant stand it.i text him.he doesnt reply..as usual.i wait.i fall asleep after 2 hours.i wake up sad to see he still didnt reply.

4 days pass.i didnt see him.i'm busy.i forget about that look.

it's been a week now.i see him again.
this time he's just sitting there.noone's here yet.except us.he doesnt smile.he doesnt frown.but his eyes say everything.i dont know what to say to him.he doesnt know what to say to me.silence.i look at him.thinking of what to say.he takes a peek at me.but turns away again.i feel like crying.i dont know why.but i dont.i made a promise to myself not to never EVER cry infront of a guy.

*cachik* someone else is here.i feel dissapointed we didnt talk.its one of his friends.they start talking.they laugh.he looks abit happier.i'm abit happier too.

more people come.we have our gathering.i feel happy after chatting with my girls.everyone sits in a circle.somehow,we end up sitting together.we dont say a word to each other.

the gathering is ending.

i glance at him.he catches my eye.i give him a faint smile again.he smiles slightly back at me.i whisper to him 'you ok?' he replies 'i'm good...thanks'. 'for what?' i say.he stops to think a second.then says 'caring'.he smiles at me.a nice warm one.there's a sparkle in his eyes.its beautiful.i like it.i smile back.a tear drops from my eye.i face away to wipe it off.
suddenly i hear his voice in my ear.'my shoulder's always here for you to cry on you know that?'. 'i know...'